IVF#4: Day 1 in Colorado

Yesterday was a very long day. After hours of struggles, I did finally find a new clinic to do my monitoring. They squeezed me in between patients and did the fastest bloodwork and ultrasound I've ever experienced. The tech promised they fax the results to colorado by 2 and off I went. I left relieved and went home to work so I didn't look like i'd skipped out. At 1, I dropped off our diabetic cat who needs special care from the vet during out absence (so sad to drop her off).

At 2.30, caller ID said CCRM. To my surprise, she called to ask me to contact the local clinic since they hadn't received anything yet. I turned around and called but the receptionist immediately put me on hold. After 12 minutes, I started getting annoyed. For the next 25 minutes, scared to lose my place 'in line', I tried to get through to that office on my cell. After 40 minutes, I called a 800 number I found on the web but got a voicemail. After 45 I used my cell to reach another office who finally transferred me over. I explained my distress to the lady who answered. There was a pause and then someone took me off hold on my landline. She said, "Oh my! So sorry. I didn;t see you were on hold!" I started in on how i needed the results urgently. And in keeping with my luck these days she told me that there was a problem with the lab and no results were back yet but that they'd fax the ultrasound results.

WHat could I do? So not sure if my cycle was ruined and should be cancelled, we still left for the airport. 10 minutes into the drive, my colorado nurse called to tell me since they would no get bloodwork til after 5, it would be too late to see how i was doing so she asked me to pull over right there and give myself the Ganirelix shot to retard ovulation. Flying blind, now. That one follie was continuing to grow and there was almost nothing going on in my left ovary at all. I asked her if I should just turn around and go home and cancel the cycle. She told me to continue on out to Denver. She also reduced my Follistim to 150 (from 300) and added 2 menopurs to my nightly dose (rather than just in the morning).

With my mom in the car, we pulled over for the shot. My mom looked on in horror as we whipped out a needle, started flicking air bubbles, and injecting right there in the front seat. It got so real to her. We had to two more injections in the plane.

We got into CCRM this morning and my follies didn't end up measuring the same to them as they had in that local clinic. Things look really bad. One follie at 16.5mm, 7 more under 10mm. Dr. Schoolcraft has been out of town since Thursday. Dr. Surrey is making the calls. They aren't sure what to do so I'll have to wait for news tonight. I couldn't be more down. I don't understand.

This road has been long and terribly draining. I've broken down into tears 4 times in the last two days. This is my last IVF cycle, I think. Special One isn't sure he's ready to stop but I can't felt but feel negative now. I feel so betrayed by my body and if that wasn't enough, there always seems to be something strange and unexpected that comes and trips me up. I question my ability to take anymore of this. I just don't think I'll be able to take much more of this.
It is supposed to snow here today so I think we might just chill out and nap. We got tons of good groceries from Whole Foods. Tonight, Special One wants to go play games at Dave and Busters. Could be fun!

Sorry for the string of bummer posts. It is what it is, right?